Relationship Advice: 9 Reasons to Make Your Relationship Great Right Now!

November 21st, 2005 by Dale Kentucky | No Comments »

My number one job with couples is helping them find the motivation to really go to work on their relationships. Once I find the key to what invigorates them and makes them want to grow the rest is easy! Here’s 9 reasons that spur many people on.

Affairs Hurt People

Most of us know someone who’s been hurt by an affair. It might have been you. Think of one such instance.

Remind yourself of the pain it caused everyone: the betrayal, the emptiness, the lost opportunities; children that are heartbroken with delayed emotional development; partners feeling rejected and betrayed, and wondering what’s wrong with them.

And, of course, there are those who did the betraying and now feel guilty and ashamed, and they can’t believe the harm they’ve done. They, too, may wonder what is wrong with them, that they could have hurt so many.

Remind yourself of all the pain and know that it could happen to you. So, do your homework and make your relationship work now!

What You’ll Wish You Had Done

Imagine yourself at age 70, 80, or 90 looking back at what you accomplished in life. Do you wish you had spent more time on the little things of life like washing dishes, watching TV, working two jobs, or cutting out coupons?

Or, will you wish you had spent more time with the family? Will you wish you had had that special time every single day with your spouse?

I know my answer. I’ve seen too many people regret the lost time with loved ones. Do it now! Make choices to create this relationship time in your life.

What Are You Modeling For Your Kids?

Are you modeling full, vibrant adult relationships where partners are open, honest and truly desire to spend time together? If what you are modeling now is what your kids have later in their adult relationships, is that what you desire for them? What could be better?

Some of the First Feelings Are Still There!

Remember the excitement and wonder of first love with your partner. Feel what it was like to wonder at how extraordinary that person was, and how incredible it was that he or she cared about you.

Those feelings are still there, but you’re missing out on them. What a waste! Recapture them!

Know That We Are All At Risk

Be aware of divorce statistics. Where I live the divorce rate is almost 70%. The odds are against you. Get to work!

If your present relationship started with an affair realize that 75% of such marriages end in divorce. Get busy on your relationship!

The Number One Best Gift You Can Give Your Children is a Good Marriage

Children thrive when they know their parents love one another deeply. The best way to have a secure child is for mom and dad to have a secure relationship. It’s as though children are emotional sponges. They soak up everything going on in your relationship. The number one best gift you can give your children is a good marriage.

Our Enemies Are Legion!

Realize that the enemies of relationships are: unawareness, ignorance, apathy, uncontrolled emotional reactivity, overfocus on “important” things like children or jobs, avoidant behavior like addictions or compulsions, and a host of other distractions that consume our time, energy and emotional attention.

Resolve to make your relationship THE important thing. And then resolve to never, ever forget it!

It’s Easier Than You Think!

Developing an emotionally fulfilling, vibrant relationship isn’t as hard as you may think. All it really takes is the time, commitment to engage, and perhaps a couples counselor.

You can educate yourself. You can find the time. You can change your behavior and even your attitudes. And so can your partner.

It is the most important thing you will ever do.

SEX!!!

In a deeply satisfying relationship the sex is almost always much, much better! Very few of us will argue with this benefit. Deep, fulfilling, lasting, emotional intimacy is the key to turning on that sex drive. Go for it!

And so…

The knowledge is available. The help is available. The time and energy are almost always available somehow, as well. So, I encourage you to make yourself available to accomplish one of the most rewarding and important aspects of your life. Go give your relationship everything it takes! You can do it!

Steve Roberts is an experienced Marriage and Family Therapist sharing real life relationship secrets from over 20 years of practice. Get Insight & Wisdom for your Relationships at:
whatworksforcouples.com whatworksforcouples.com

Dressing Your Bridesmaids

November 21st, 2005 by Dale Kentucky | No Comments »

In the past, it was always those cookie cutter dresses for bridesmaids that no one would be seen in public wearing after the wedding was over and then sent over to the thrift store. Today bridesmaids’ dresses are as important as your wedding gown because the bridesmaids are an important part of your wedding ceremony and reception. Dressing your bridesmaids well requires you to be careful about their age, complexion, and body proportions. Here are some tips that will keep you from embarrassing your bridesmaids.

One of the things that can get you started is this - choosing a style, color, and fabric that would be suitable for all your bridesmaids. This calls for a meeting where you can ask each of them for their tastes and decide what each woman is comfortable with, and average out your choice. A-line gowns or an empire waist dress is something that would easily flatter all figures and then you can get the ladies to choose a color from the same color family.

Choosing a range of colors from the same family will be a subtle gradation and your bridesmaids will all look similar but not the same. The latest trend in bridesmaids’ dresses is either different dresses in one shade or different shades in one dress style. This variation gives a much understated difference that your guests may not notice right off, but will remember as a unique statement at your wedding ceremony.

Alternatively, if you choose to dress all your bridesmaids in the same dress, then choose a style that would be best for the largest of the women. This way you will be sure it also fits the slimmest and they can personalize this look with accessories of their choice. In fact, there are many stores that have mix-and-match tops and bottoms especially good for bridesmaids to create a different kind of a look, either in the same color, or different shades to suit individual tastes.

This color family must be in coordination with your own gown and the décor of the wedding reception. You don’t want your bridesmaids in clashing colors. Don’t choose to dress your bridesmaids in pink if you are having a yellow color scheme. One of the best places you can buy coordinating bridesmaids’ dresses is the same place as your wedding gown. If you ask the store consultant, she will surely be able to match their own gown with dresses that will not only match, but also be less expensive. Also, keep in mind the age of your bridesmaids if you are thinking of dresses that are too revealing, especially for very young maids.

Keep in mind the weather and the time of your wedding ceremony and choose materials that are appropriate. A semi-formal daytime wedding can have bridesmaids wearing dresses made from fabrics like chiffon and silk, or even sundresses. You can add coordinating accessories like silk flowers, or sashes, hairpins, and wraps. The length of the dress is equally important and the rule of thumb is that if you are wearing a floor length gown, don’t have your bridesmaids in short dresses and vice versa.

Finally, shopping for your bridesmaids dresses is a bonding experience with your bridesmaids, even at the hectic time of your wedding. Have fun!

L Hayes is a wedding professional and owner of Wedding Favors Emporium. They carry an extensive line of unique