Meeting Other Singles By Doing Something You Love

October 6th, 2005 by Dale Kentucky | No Comments »

Meet Other Singles by Doing Something You Love

Here’s one the best ways I have found to meet other singles while enjoying what you would do anyway.

Create your own group to do something that you enjoy. Last summer we took up golf and were quickly hooked. What better way to get outdoors and enjoy the summer sun and also get exercise. Golf courses are usually very attractive, with lots of trees, some bodies of water, and just very nice places to spend summer days.

My friend and I decided to set up our own singles league this year. The course that we played at didn’t have a heavy crowd on Friday nights and we were usually free then, so we booked the course.

During the few months before we began to play, my friend advertised in local papers and had others put up flyers at local businesses and factories. We asked everyone we knew who was single to join us and encouraged them to invite their other single friends.

We started off small and were pleased to find that we are attracting some really great people we might not have otherwise met.

Another way we attracted members was to go on Yahoo and Match.com and invite people we found interesting who stated golf as an interest.

The best part of this experience is that you are enjoying something you would do anyway. It’s a natural way to be with people and there’s absolutely no pressure to pair up. Golf is a great sport to get a sense of how people behave and react. Some seemed more competitive than others; some have a shorter fuse when their ball goes in the woods or sand traps. Others are just having fun and show up with big smiles and a positive attitude. Perhaps we wouldn’t learn all this so quickly if we met at a dance or bar.

Another plus has been getting tips as we play from more seasoned players. Each week my golf game is improving and I am learning more about the game.

We also have moved beyond the game to having dinner and drinks after the game. We search new places to try each week and have enjoyed house parties once we knew each other well enough to feel safe and comfortable. Now we are branching out even more and going to concerts together. Everyone keeps an eye out for other events in our community that we could enjoy.

I’ve made new friends and some of the people are beginning to pair up and see each other outside the group. It’s a great way to introduce other people you think might hit it off, without the stress of a one-on-one blind date.

Now there’s always something to do on a Friday night and we are having fun. What better way to attract a partner than when you are relaxed and enjoying yourself.

Not a golfer? What do you enjoy that you form a group around? Euchre, bridge, tennis, volleyball, books? Don’t stay home alone on Friday nights. Whatever your interest, there are others to meet and share that with.

Copyright 2005 Rosemary Heenan

About the Author:
Rosemary Heenan is a Certified Integrative Coach Professional. Her specialty is coaching successful, professional, mid-life women who are ready to add a relationship to their lives. Sign up for her free newsletter at rosemaryheenan.com rosemaryheenan.com

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Collaborative Divorce

October 6th, 2005 by Dale Kentucky | No Comments »

Why trust and divorce can go hand in hand

The emerging field of collaborative law is viewed with equal parts hope and skepticism. On one hand, courts, lawyers and divorcing couples, especially those with children, have struggled to find a way to make divorce less bitter and less emotionally draining. In a collaborative divorce, the parties seek to minimize the amount of pain experienced by children and parents by agreeing not to go to court and instead to participate in a series of negotiations to address all aspects of their divorce. The parties agree that all discussions and information provided remains confidential The parties are not permitted to use threats of litigation, custody or otherwise.

Collaborative divorce seems like a good concept in theory but not in practice. When it comes to divorce, there is often a lack of trust between the parties and a great deal of anger. Most couples seeking to divorce have problems communicating with one another, which has often contributed to the decision to divorce. It seems hard to believe that two people who are unable to communicate will be able to do during this emotional and difficult period of their lives. When presented with this concept, many people respond that, if they could communicate, they wouldn’t be getting divorced in the first place.

At first glance, it seems unlikely that two people who can’t get along will be able to discuss their divorce in such a calm and reasonable manner. But a growing number of collaborative divorce practitioners, themselves disenchanted with the hostility-driven traditional divorce process, are finding success with collaborative law. In order to understand how collaborative divorce works, it is important to understand the concept of process trust.

There is a difference between trust between the parties and trust in the process. Collaborative divorce creates an environment of process trust by requiring full disclosure and enforcing the parties obligation to do so. A collaborative divorce lawyer must make full disclosure, and correct and mistaken assumptions on the part of the other party. And the lawyer must insist that his or her client do so as well. In traditional litigation, a lawyers role is to advance the position of their client without regard to the interests of the family. This type of “winner takes all” mentality may work well in a business context, but not in a divorce where the focus is supposed to be on the best interest of the children. In a collaborative divorce, lawyers work not as opposing counsel but, instead, as members of a team that is committed to achieving the best result for both parties and their children.

Collaborative divorce is not a fix all solution. Neither is protracted litigation over financial assets or a drawn out custody battle. The difference is that, with collaborative divorce, parties can create an environment that encourages them to move forward and which preserves financial resources and helps protect their children. Although trust between parties may have been lost, process trust can be created and can help the parties move forward.

Lori Barkus is a Florida Supreme Court Certified Circuit Civil Mediator, a Family Law Mediator and a Collaborative Divorce professional who practices in Dade and Broward Counties in the areas of Marital and Family Law, Collaborative Divorce and mediation.