Improve Your Marriage With Goal Setting

When I started my own counselling practice I had to learn the
importance of having clearly defined marketing goals before I was able
to get my business off the ground. I floundered around for quite some
time before hiring Juliet Austin (www.julietaustin.com), a marketing
coach for healing professionals. One of the first things Juliet did
was help me clearly define what I wanted to achieve.

Once I figured out what my aim was Juliet helped me to keep my goals
ever present in my mind so that I was always working towards their
fulfillment and not led astray by distractions. The result was that I
achieved more than I ever imagined I could, I now have a successful
private practice, and in order to continue in that success I will
continue setting goals.

However, goal setting is not only important for success in business.
Goal setting is the key to progress for all great achievers.
Exceptional athletes had to set fitness goals before becoming
Olympians. Those who attained great wealth had to set financial goals
before becoming rich. The most successful singers, actors, writers,
and painters all had to set and strive for goals before making it big.

Even spiritual masters set goals to achieve great levels of holiness.
You see, one has to know what goal one is striving for in order to
choose the best means to achieving that end. If one doesn’t have a
goal in mind then that person is wandering aimlessly.

Setting goals focuses a person’s attention on a particular area to the
exclusion of other distracting thoughts and activities and gives a
person a touchstone on which to base decisions. Each choice can be
weighed against whether or not it contributes to or detracts from the
achievement of one’s purpose. Some choices, such as deciding which
pair of shoes to wear one day or the next, may not affect one’s goals
a whole lot. However, if one has set a financial goal of saving $1000
dollars this year, that may affect his or her decision to buy a new
pair of shoes.

So, what does all this have to do with your marriage or intimate
relationship? While many people have set goals for them self in one or
more areas of their life, not many people stop to reflect on what they
are trying to achieve in their marriage. For some reason we tend to
think that if we are well matched then our relationship will be
successful. However, it is more likely that such “well matched” people
based their marriage on some sense of purpose, whether they realized it
or not. When you think about the effect goal setting has on the
success of other endeavours it makes sense that some well thought out
marital goals will contribute to your success as a couple.

In order to set marital goals you must first figure out what your goals
are as individuals. Make sure some of your goals are ones that you can
continue to work on throughout your life. It may help to think about
how you want people to remember you at the end of your life. Do you
want to be remembered as a kind person? Do you want to be know as
someone who had a good sense of humour? Once you have set individual
goals you can set marital goals that include supporting each other in
achieving your individual goals.

Once you have come up with one or two shared goals each of you should
write them down, place them somewhere where you will see them often,
and review them frequently. Let these goals shape your relationship.
Decide what steps you have to take to reach your goals and enjoy your
newfound sense of purpose together.

Note: If you are interested in finding out more about Juliet Austin’s
work you can go to Juliet’s website at julietaustin.com www.julietaustin.com and
subscribe to her free newsletter, Enlightened Marketing, and get a
Free, 22 Page Report: “67 Surefire Ways to Attract Clients.”

Jean sees clients in her office in Fredericton, NB and offers telephone and online counselling. She can be reached at: 506-461-7279 jeanmackenzie.com jeanmackenzie.com

Divorce To Remarriage: “I’ve Been Slimed!” Your Ghost Busting How To Guide!

By virtue of this being a remarriage, at least one of you has been married before. That means there’s at least one ex-spouse lingering in the background. Even if you haven’t been married before, odds are that you too have a few skeletons hiding in your closet. It’s real easy for couples to just sweep these “ghosts” under the rug and pretend these past relationships don’t matter anymore or have any current bearing on our lives. Well, that’s just about the worst thing you can possibly do.

Past relationships have helped to define who you are right now, good, bad or ugly. We change as a result of every relationship we are in (and I don’t just mean the romantic ones.) Acknowledging the impact that these formerly important people played in your life is the first step to truly moving past them so that the “ghosts” from that relationship don’t come back to haunt this new one.

You need to take an inventory on the history of that relationship:

· What initially attracted you to that person?

· What did you enjoy in the relationship?

· What did you learn?

· How did the ending of that relationship affect you?

· How are you still being affected by that relationship?

Don’t be so quick to blow off that last question. These things may be very subtle. Did they cheat on you, and now you’re a little leery of trusting? Did they control the finances making you hyper-sensitive to new questions about how you spend your money?

These are the ways that those pesky ghosts sneak in. If you don’t pay attention to the nagging feelings they bring with them, you end up just letting them waltz right in and mess up your current relationship.

So how do you become a Ghost Buster? First and foremost you’ve got to recognize a ghost when you see it! Typically, your partner will have a better eye for this than you. It will be comments from your partner such as:

· “Where is this coming from?”

· “I don’t understand why you are so upset about this.”

· “I never knew you felt this strongly.”

When you hear comments such as these, STOP!! Take a minute to evaluate why you are feeling or reacting the way you are. Is this a ghost from the past rearing it’s ugly head? Are these fears you’re experiencing really related to your current partner or something from your past?

After realizing your reaction is from a ghost, you need to bust it!! This isn’t just a one time thing though. Talk to your partner. Explain to them honestly what is going on with you and how your past is interfering with your present. Reassure them of your feelings for them and ask for understanding as you deal with this specter from your past. Acknowledging its presence and then seeking support from your current partner are the best ways possible of getting rid of that old ghost once and for all!

Visit RemarriageSuccess.com/ RemarriageSuccess.com for more information on how to prepare as a couple and a family for remarriage. Check out our new 2 book set RemarriageSuccess.com/7questions.htm “THE 7 Questions to Ask Before Saying ‘I Do’ Again to learn more about how best to prepare your family for remarriage. Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success. She may be reached through her website at remarriagesuccess.com/contact.htm remarriagesuccess.com/contact.htm where she encourages your feedback and suggestions.