Be My Valentine Forever: Relationships That Last
She remembers that he took her to the senior prom, but her parents thought she was so young, his parents and her mother had to ride with them in the car. However, the relationship ended because she had to move away at the end of the school year. Her father had a new job. When they said goodbye for the last time, her boyfriend picked two four-leaf clovers from her front yard and put them in his pocket. He never forgot her.
At some point in our lives, most of us have expressed the desire to have a Valentine of the lasting kind. In a recent poll of college students, 99% said they hoped to someday fall in love and have a lasting, committed relationship. Yet, almost half of marriages in the U.S. end in divorce. And 62% of second marriages do not survive.
Here are some thoughts on building cohesion, intimacy, and loving relationships that are lifetime Valentines:
*Pay attention to your beloved.
True Valentines pay close attention to the one they love. To be in the same room and talk, and not run away or distract yourself is to show that you care. Furthermore, when we listen to what our Valentine is saying, and care about how they are feeling, we demonstrate that we are committed to them. When we thank them for what they do for us, they feel acknowledged and appreciated. These acts of attention build lasting bonds.
*Make yourself happy.
Being a happy Valentine is how you attract another happy Valentine. When we count on other people to make us happy, we are in for disappointments. The main ingredient for a lasting romance is to be a happy, whole person to begin with. Being a whole person means to have your own career, finances, emotional life and support systems in place.
*Enjoy time together.
Valentines love being together. If you are getting to know someone, working side-by-side on a mutual project reveals a lot about who the other person is. If you are in a committed relationship, supporting each other in a joint adventure builds shared history and success.
*Show kindness, caring, and affection.
To be in a valentine relationship that lasts is to show love and affection. If you take someone for granted, they may disappear out of your life. Kind words, honest compliments, listening well, and not holding grudges all add up to the feeling that a chosen partner wants to be around you. Investing daily in these signs of love makes both of you feel stable, grounded, and happy to come home.
Last August, my friend got the shock of her life when she received a call from her high school boyfriend. His wife died several years ago. My friend has been divorced and living alone for over 20 years. After nightly calls catching up on old times and old friends, (he never left the home town where she grew up), they met and spent time together during the Christmas holidays.
My friend is on her way to visit him again in a few weeks. He has proposed marriage. He suggested they grow old and mellow together. He is 75 and she is 73. To demonstrate the sincerity of his feelings and his request, he sent her a small token of his love. Plucked from her front yard 57 years ago—it was one of the four-leaf-clovers.
Visit tonjaweimer.com tonjaweimer.com or singlesdatingtips.com singlesdatingtips.com for more tips, skills, and insight on dating, relationships, singles, and love. Subscribe to our F*ree Savvy Dating Newsletter from master single’s coach, life coach, and syndicated columnist, Tonja Weimer. Copyright 2006, Tonja Weimer. (Please note source if reprinting this article.)